More Plant Killings

Every year there is some problem with the convent flowers. Usually, a few sisters mutilate a few plants, and then dispose of their remains in a crass, un-christian, pro-mafia manner. Last year it was the Easter Lillies poisoned with orange juice (see previous post). This year, the flowers were thrown to their death.

Apparently, during the month of May, the convent expends great efforts honoring Mother Mary. In doing this, flower crowns are placed upon all the Mary statues around the convent. This was sure to lead to disaster.

Mom comes into work on some Monday in May. She has to go into the chapel to get something. She notices that on the largest Mary effigy, that there is no flower crown. Instead, there are flowers at Mary's feet. Mom said she instantly knew "there must have been some kind of incident over the weekend." Little did she know, the "incident" was more like a really big "scene" and it took place during Sunday Mass.

Mom asked around. Sister Lacy had been complaining about the flowers all month. They were making her sneeze and cough. Obviously, the best place for her to sit in mass then was right next to the Mary statue with the most flowers on it. She goes into a sneezing fit during prayer. She stands up, says "God, forgive me," and then walks over to the statue. She rips the flowers of Mary's head. She walks over to a window, opens it, and throws the flowers out the windo. She then returns to her pew and continues with prayer as if nothing happened. A "scene" followed almost immediatlly thereafter.

Are Nuns the Real Bud-Light Target Audience?

Sister Darcy said, "The only thing I will miss about summer is the Bud-lite commercials on TV."

Melons

Mom called.

Apprentlly, the kitchen staff at the convent was given the afternoon
off in order to "decompress and find some inner peace."

"Is working in the kitchen that stressful," I asked.

Mom gave me the nun reality-check, and replied, "Well, tensions were pretty high between two sisters. One of them threw an entire watermellon at the other. It made a big mess."