Haiti

While the main objective of this blog is to illuminate humor that takes place the convent, I can't help but make a serious post today.  Mom has reported that, "Two of my good friends @ work, mothers' are missing in the earthquake zone.'

Assault with Walker Tennis Balls

Background on Sister Loo-Loo
Sister Loo-Loo has a temper problem. She was sent to Chicago to attend a week-long anger management course for clergy and nuns. She was sent home three days later, and deemed "unmanageable."

Sister Loo-Loo v. Sister Latifa
Sister Latifa is old. Like, shout-outs-in-the Bible old. She has a walker, 4-pointer, with tennis balls. Sister Latifa often leaves it in the middle high-traffic walkways. The center aisle of the chapel. In front of the photocopier. Blocking the confessional door so people can't get out. You get the idea.

Last week Sister Latifa went to the computer room. When Sister Latifa arrived, Sister Loo Loo was already there. Sister Latifa parked her walker in the one, narrow, exit aisle of the computer room. Moments later, Sister Loo Loo attempted to leave. She saw the walker, and had a little melt down; "GOD DAMN THIS WALKER!" She kicked it across the room. She removed the tennis balls. She started throwing them at Sister Latifa. In return, Latifa started throwing pens and spiting. Three other sisters staged an intervention. Loo Loo and Latifa have to meet for mediation next week. For the moment, neither is allowed within 50 feet of each other.

EDIT: Sister "Loo Loo" has appeared as a star player in previous posts. Here is one of them.

Conduct Unbecoming

Below is the full text of en email mom sent yesterday.

Today:
Flood in one of our 4 boiler rooms, water pressure dropped so low fire trucks(2)came because sprinkler systems totally shut down.

Sister Mary has been banned from the Italian Consulate in Boston for Life(she is 87) for actions unbecoming a Catholic nun-can only email embassy as of today.

Sister Lisa took off with car signed out for Sister Helen-when Sister Lisa returned home 4 hrs later-they had a yelling match outside my office; one yelling in Italian, the other Portuguese.

So, how was your day???

"I left part of the car at the store"

Mom emailed. This one is amazing.

Today @ work Sister Jen runs into my office and said:" Quick! Call Sister Karen......I left part of the car @ the store!!"

I innocently asked "What part??"

Answer " The Big part that fell off!!"

I called Sister Karen- her response "God dammit not this, again!"

Update tomorrow when I return to work!!

"Again?"  This has happened more than once!?  I'll have to see if I can find out what other parts of the car have previously been left in parking lots across America.  Apparently there is an epidemic.

Nuns: Back from the Dead

Email from Mom:

Sister Jane, one of the younger nuns, went to Chapel @ 2:30AM to pray. One of the older, older Sisters., Sr Paula, went also around 2:45 am (they don't sleep much). All of sudden entire convent is awaken by Sister Jane's screaming!! Sister Jane thought that Sister Paulawas a fellow sister come back from the dead!! Too dark in Chapel to see anything clearly!! Mother Superior " For God's sake, couldn't one of you turn a light one!!!" and so it goes.............

Are They ALL Crazy?

My dad just emailed me a news story from Italy. It looks like mom's convent is not the only "troubled nun house" on the planet. Who knew? See below.

Italian archbishop closes convent after nuns come to blows

A convent in southern Italy is being shut down after a quarrel among its last three remaining nuns ended in blows, press reports said Sunday.

Sisters Annamaria and Gianbattista, reportedly upset about their mother superior's authoritarian ways, scratched her in the face and threw her to the ground at Santa Clara convent near Bari in an incident in July that was kept quiet until now.

Archbishop Giovanni Battista Pichierri tried to reconcile the nuns but finally decided in late August that they had "clearly lost their religious vocation" and asked the Vatican for permission to close the convent.

Sisters Annamaria and Gianbattista moved to another convent, but Sister Liliana barricaded herself inside, refusing to leave, the reports said, adding that she suspected Battista Pichierri of planning to cede the convent to another community.

Liliana has been at the convent since its founding in 1963.

The link is here.

Nuns Calling the Police on Other Nuns

Below is the entire text of an email I got from Mom this afternoon. I'll have to call her to get all the details. This sounds like a good one.

New Sister story-2 sisters report license plate of a car driving extremely fast to police-turns out it was another sister!!!

Love,
Mom