Fountain of Doom

Well, some amusing stories were indeed generated from the "water feature" mentioned in the previous post.  Below is an email mom sent.  Number 6 is my favorite.


1) took a procession to get it in Chapel
2) was hooked up to facuet in room next to Chapel
3) water was collected in kiddie pool underneath-that keep on overflowing
4) was so loud no one could here anything
5) Sister Lucy(92) said running water made her want to go to the bathroom all the time
6) Sister Sue(87) was caught several times using a dixie cup to get her drinks of water from during the daytime
7) Priest said he couldn't hear himself think from noise(which was a good thing, if you ask me)
8) was turned over permantly on Tues
9) Sr Nancy(85) wants to know if they can build a water slide outside now
9) towards the end of the water fall visit to Chapel-it keep on having hiccups-would start then stop--a wonder of Daughters' engineering!!!

"Does Not Bode Well"

Oh, wow.  This could prove to be really funny.  Entire text of email mom sent today:

Subject: Does Not Bode Well

Daughters, starting this very day, are trying to construct a fountain in Chapel for Easter.....I see an entire new chapter for book.......
Love,
Mom

“We know nothing about the marijuana."

Ok, I don't know HOW I forgot to post this story from last year!  I apologize.  This weekend I went to visit mom for her birthday.  She had a real gem waiting for me.  It seems that the story I had forgotten to post last year had finally found its way into the newspaper.  Yeah, this one is THAT good.  Mom had the news clipping for me.

Last summer the phone rings.  It is my mom.  She is laughing so hard she can hardly breath.  I finally get the story of her.  "When I got to work the police and the Department of Agriculture were there.  I go inside and ask Sister X about all the commotion.  She says, "They found 25 marijuana plants growing on the property out back. That is all I can say right now."

WHAT!?!  25 marijuana plants on convent property!?  This is just so funny, and so absurd, that I am really starting to think that my mom is just making-up these stories up, or over-exaggerating, or something. This stuff is just too funny to be true.  Well,  I was proved correct.  Mom did have this story all wrong.  It wasn't 25 marijuana plants.  It was 31!

The News Clipping (Identifying Names removed)

One use for woodland: pot farm

By XYZ ABCD March 18, 2011

While mystery surrounds the future of the Daughters of XXXXXX...someone already found an unusual use for the property: a marijuana farm.

Boston Police officers found 31 pot plants growing outdoors behind the religious order’s XXX convent last summer, according to a police report obtained by the Gazette. The plants were discovered by engineers surveying the 15-acre woodland for the private sales offering of the land that was recently revealed by the Gazette.

“The nuns from the convent stated that they did not know anything about the plants and how they got there,” said the Aug. 12, 2010 police report. “We know nothing about [the marijuana]. We were the ones who called the police,” Sister Sarah Palin, the order’s treasurer, told the Gazette. She said no other pot plants have been found on the property.

Police officers removed the plants and destroyed them, and never charged anyone with a crime, according to the Boston Police Department.
   

"These aren't the CD's your looking for."

 I think is one if the best Nun stories I've heard yet.

Mom just called.  "I just have a quick work story for you.  Last night I went to a wake for one of the sisters. She passed a few days ago.  Anyway, we were all sitting there, and they started playing some background music.  I began to laugh as soon I as heard the first few notes.  Someone royally screwed-up and they started playing the theme from Star Wars!

The Dewey Decimal System of Lost Souls

Things go missing from time to time.  We've all had it happen.  The pen we were using just 2 minutes ago.  Your keys.  A hat.  The car in a very large parking lot.  The children.  Your mind.  Etc.  When things go missing at the convent, it usually involves much more than just a minor mishap, or some mundane story of, "Oh, I lost my crucifix, but then found it again."  Nothing is ever that simple with the Sisters.

Take for instance the call I got from my mom today.  She tells me that a license plates from one of the convent vehicles had been missing for about two weeks.  No one seemed to know where it had gone.  They just assumed it had fallen off while driving somewhere, which is rather unlikely.  They did not report it lost or stolen to the RMV and police.  "Loosing" a license plate is odd enough.  But it gets much more amusing.  It was found this afternoon, in the convent library, filed neatly between two books in the philosophy section.  Hilarious.  I am trying to find out which two books it was between.

The Shot Heard Around...Staten Island?

Mom was talking to a few sisters about the situation in Egypt.  One of the sisters wondered how the events would impact the other countries in the Middle East, and if it might lead to other revolutions.  Another sister chimed in with his gem.  "It's not the Middle East I am worried about.  It's New Jersey." 

Nuns, Going Postal.

The mail was late today.  It had not arrived as of 4:30pm.  It usually comes around 11:00am.  Sister Sue was not happy.  She needed today's mail in order to send out information regarding some type of assignment or something.  She called the post office to complain  and/or find out where the mail was.  They put her on hold.  Bad idea.  When they returned to her call, Sister Sue said, "You put me on Hold?  What the fuck is wrong with you people!?  Don't you know you're talking to a nun!?"  When the call was over Sister Sue said to my mom, "I gave it to them."  My mom responded, "Well, you certainly did!"  Sister Sue responded, "They deserved it."